LORE OF THE LAND

The collected rules of the Misadventure Adventure World anthologised here for easy access - continually updated based on new information.

Michael

and

Michelle

Feb 18, 2022

'THE LORE OF THE LAND'

The categories below are separated into individual posts in alphabetical order.

I. Places

Have a location to suggest? Click here:

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Boardova

An agrarian society rich in the most versatile natural resource - cardboard! Parochial but peaceful, Boardovians live in cardboard houses, wear cardboard clothes and subsist on cardboard-rich diets.

Broadsword & 3rd

This district of greater Fanhatten Island was cursed long ago by a witch that fancied themselves a patron of the arts. The result, everyone who enters this district acts as if they’re part of a musical.

The Catacombs

A sprawling system of countless natural caves. Many settlements have made their homes in the nooks and crannies of this seemingly endless underground system. There are many species of flora and fauna only found here - glowing jellyfish gliding through the air, massive trees topped with bioluminescent fruits. precious gemstones are abundant here also.

First Appears: Chapter 13

Cramsylvania

Some readers may have heard of the fictional place of Transylvania, its real-world equivalent is Cramsylvania a region brimming with frightening castles and terrifying monsters, but all the buildings and people are smooshed together.

Essopia

This ancient expanse stretches far beyond the eye can see, uniting the separate kingdoms within its borders but dividing them with the wandering wastelands between. There is peace between the four Essopian kingdoms but only because crossing the desert feels, well, a little like too much effort.

Fae Forest

Enormous ancient trees with highways of vines connecting the toadstool urban sprawl in the boughs.

The Great Unfinished Spaghetti Bowl

This giant carved Spaghetti Bowl has stood amongst the mountains of the surface for millennia. Legend says one day its owner will one day return to eat from it, if not full the owner will eat the people of the world instead. Thus a community has sprung up committed to keeping the bowl full and the hopefully fictitious and hungry diner at bay. Furthermore, it has been said the bottom of the bowl houses an earth-shattering secret.

First Appears: Chapter 1

Little Waitville

Just as is sounds you don’t have to wait for anything but also you become weightless.

Mall

A hellish landscape of capitalism swallowing itself.

Marble Forest

Located on the flat-top of a cursed mountain, this place slowly turns soil, trees, animals, metals, rocks and many more into marble. It's home to Marble Elementals, that were once living beings that changed after staying in the forest for too long. The elementals spend their days making, breaking and re-making marble pottery. Some say that at night, the elementals use the pottery to harvest soil and bring it to the centre of the Marble Forest.

The Republic of Farkaroola

The cobblestone roads here were once great but now in disrepair. You would need to climb aloft a 4WD (four-winged dragon) to cross this horrible locale. Lots of Grey Nomads pass through and love/hate the expansive gardens near the capital. A beautiful place to visit, if it weren’t full of noisy crows.

Tadpoole

This town is well known for its delicious dishes, Tadpoolians can satisfy the pickiest eater. What is their secret?

Undead Sea

Perfectly still, not even a ripple. There is no life that the eye can see. Just microscopic zombie plankton with an appetite for flesh.

II. People and Recurring Characters

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Cam O’Flarge

Ninja style, chameleon skin. Cam is a shy, self conscious guy, what he lacks in confidence he makes up in stealth, agility and most of all love.

Cheese Lady (pictured here with her collection of cheeses)

Cheesy lady is her name and eating cheese is her game! When’s she’s not eating cheese she’s rooting for truffles! Truffles and cheese, a match made in heaven! When she’s sniffing for truffles do not get in her way, she will bowl you over, snarl in your face and plow right through you to get to the prize! Her favourite cheese is of course Gorgonzola, she likes to eat it on a bus, how offensive!!!!

Eric

The butcher for the municipal township of the Great Spaghetti Bowl, he can handle any monster… as long as it’s dead and can’t spook him anymore. Okay so he may be a coward but he has a lot of heart… and, err, hearts.

First Appears: Chapter 1

Gaseous Clay

Spends every waking minute eating. If anyone comes between him and his food he releases a toxic cloud of gas from his ears, which are severely cauliflowered because he also boxes.

Gregory Schreck

this small town ogre lawyer (he practices exclusively Ogre Law) just wants to do right by his two young children Phlegm and Snout, but it’s not easy in a world of prejudice and rabid rakasha’s roaming the streets.

First Appears: Chapter 13

Lady Kackel the Necromancer

She can bring back the dead, with one small catch. Anything she reanimates can't stop laughing.

First Appears: Chapter 3

Matilda

Matilda has been referred to as a ‘snarky maiden’ but she is so much more. Emboldened by her years on the basil fields in order to garnish and flavour the Great Spaghetti Bowl offering, this plucky pitchfork-wielder has become fast friends with Tim Cognito.

First Appears: Chapter 1

Councilor Meatball

Councilor Meatball has long been the lead councilor of the Great Spaghetti Bowl and until recently has been held in high repute. Comes from a longline of beef-hatted bureaucrats.

First Appears: Chapter 2

Simon Bardfunkle

This amateur folk singer knows four chords and sometimes how to use them. He finds Tim’s quest fascinating and whenever he runs into them insists on making a verse or two about the knight. Tim can’t stand it.

As time goes on Bardfunkle picks up wayward musicians for his band - Bard and Feathered

Tash Navarro: Self-Proclaimed Cousin of Tim

Speaks a range of languages. Wears blouses over her cargo pants. She somehow ends up carrying some of Tim's tools, weapons and meals as he doesn't have any pockets. She has red hair but is an extremely well-balanced individual. She wears a belt with a key chain hook and can recognise most keys instantly. Also an accomplished paramedic.

Tim Cognito

A possibly human knight of questionable history setting out on a quest for some undisclosed reason.

First Appears: Chapter 1

III. Creatures and Species

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Bonsoy-Boy

Because almonds are unethical. He has thoughts, he has feelings. They're more important than yours, he says before he licks a salty tear from his upper lip. Beneath his band tee is an extra set of nipples, as redundant as the regular set, they blink blankly at you.

Burdened Terque

This strange creature exists only to chase insects. Burly in its stature and small of cranium, it skips clumsily around the countryside barely sure of its own existence, but very sure, it will catch that butterfly.

Catagnomes

Catagnomes live in catacombs. It’s their catahome. Their swords? Catachrome.

Helen Cognito (née Fitzgerald)

Tim's ex-wife of unknown origin. Human? That's what is says on the birth certificate. Helen is unmotivated, uncouth, and unwilling to relinquish the Cognito name, despite the two having divorced years ago. Helen may also be the only one who truly knows what lies beyond the helmet...

Herb Goblins

Unlike the normal variant that are violent fighters, these stay in the forest and create gardens where they look after plants. Quite friendly if you help them with their gardens or participate in one of their many hourly sacred rituals. The rituals typically involve the inhalation of smoke, produced by certain herbs.

Hergoyle

She's fine, she's divine, and she can cast some pretty hot purple laser beams from her eyes. Measuring in at 7 foot 3 inches, this broad won't take any crap, unless it's the crap of a new born calf, then she will gladly trade some information for a steaming clump of you know what.

Huntscrabby

Gentle as a huntsman spider and a very fast hunter. Although not a ‘deadly spider’ it does have very sharp nippers. If you are found to be laughing ‘at’ not with Huntscrabby your cheeks will be nipped/pinched off in one quick movement. If you are lucky enough to share Huntscrabby’s love of spaghetti and dancing to Earth Wind and Fire you’ve found your soul mate, which then enables you to control his size. One clap for growing and two claps for shrinking. They can emit a soft glow in the dark effect when they rub their legs together.

First Appears: Chapter 4

Jabberwonky

A strong, fearsome, and highly political beast who’s obsessed with the intricacies and eccentricities of the law.

First Appears: Chapter 3

Jawbreakers

Tiny, brightly-colored insect-y creatures capable of rolling into a perfect sphere to protect themselves from predators. Like roly-polys, but better- wait no don't eat them i haven't gotten to the part about how their shells are poisonous-

Lilith: Slime Mother in Need of Help

Mature slime monster that is capable of shapeshifting into a human. Lilith is worried for her future children. A large mass of slime is split into multiple parts which will turn into many new-borns and adorable blobs of gelatine monsters. She searches for a place or person, that will allow the little ones to grow in safety for the first week of their lives, after which they will develop sentience and a partial copy of her memories.

Muscle Sprouts

Muscle Sprouts, they’re tough (to chew), overcooked and they’re extremely peeved. If you criticise their scent (sweaty from working on and cooking too long) then you’re in for a sprout bout, my friend.

Polterslice

These ghostly beings can’t be touched but they can slice you! They’re pretty slice-happy on their polter-heists!

Rakasha

A creature that looks very much like a squirrel except for its yellow & black striped fur and imposing size (they are as large as a grizzly bear). Though they possess fierce claws and teeth that could pierce metal, their most dangerous weapon is their intellect & mind control abilities. Look one in the eyes for too long and they shall ensnare you into gathering food & supplies on their behalf.

Roaminating Brain

These little, skinny legged brains both roam and ruminate across the world, eternally pacing and ruminating on tiny indiscretions from when they were alive.

To become a Roaminating Brain you get infected by a lil’ brain parasite called a Cerebrox which implants in your head for life feeding off the host’s anxiety. When the host dies the Cerebrox makes the brain grow legs which violently break out of the skull. The Cerebrox then has to find another host.

Sepplets

Beady eyed and sharp of grin, travelling in packs of 10, these small territorial creatures stalk the night searching for their favourite food, worn cloth. So if you're wearing some dirty clothes (haven't been washed for two days minimum) be warned, for the Sepplets are coming for you.

Ship of the desert

This dromedary is better than a ferry.

Half-camel, half-ship, will transport you across the desert sands.

Sphinx

A classic fantasy species. Hangs out at doors asking riddles… for some reason. In the Misadventure Adventure universe, they’re more like glam rock stars… replete with hairspray, scarves and sexual innuendo.

The Squeeming Squeeto Squadron

To defend against Squadron leader Moss Zingerdinger and his evil squadron you will either have to rub/spray yourself with citronella, lavender or lemon eucalyptus or carry some of these options on your person. Don't leave home without ‘em.

You will hear the evil squadron as they arrive a minute from when you begin to hear Wagner's "ride of the Valkaries."

A sting from one of the squadron will render you peed off for the foreseeable future.

Troll Patrol

You'd better know the password OR have enough bargaining power to pass the troll patrol. Alternatively, don't pay the ferryman.

“Pay the toll to the Troll Patrol, Doll”

First Appears: Chapter 144

IV. Skills and Spells

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Devouris Eternetum

This spell allows its caster to eat without filling up for a period of 2 hours. The Catch? The caster is not allowed to stop eating for the entire 2 hours otherwise they will immediately be filled with what they have eaten so far.

First Appears: Chapter 6

Discombobulating Disbowelment

Exactly what you think it is.

Kickasp

Any nearby snakes surround the spellcaster, acting as venomous bodyguards.

Spice UP

This spell temporarily enchant spices taste by increasing the taste sensitivity when they come in contact with a tongue. Easy way to make your food more delicious, or to hide something else in a serving.

Splash

It’s super effective.

Wingardium Gelatinous-a

With the flick of the wand and correct enunciation, elevate your foes or whatever you fancy and encapsulate them in jelly.

First Appears: Chapter 4

V. Unique Items

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Bottle of Fae

Glass vial with cork on top that contains a miserable faery. The surface of the vial have the following words scratched over it: "Misery - The Naughty".

First Appears: Chapter 4

The Box of Inertia

A small magical lock box that keeps any contents (whether they be living or inanimate) in their current form and free from any kind of degradation as long as they are kept inside the box. The moment they are taken out of the box, normal decay/ageing/wear & tear picks up where it left off

Cupid’s Scarecrow

A magical human decoy that makes two birds who see it fall in love.

Cursed Spoon of Hunger

This spoon contains the curse of hunger. It makes anyone in contact with it increase in hunger with each passing second. After a few seconds, this results in the targeted person having painful pangs of hunger.

Dagger Eyes

Very threatening, very powerful, subdues enemies with guilt.

First Appears: Chapter 3

Floorboard of Doom

A common but ominous looking floorboard. What secrets does it possess? Does it carry ill omens? Is it just an ordinary piece of wood? We will never know...One thing is for sure. The mystery will menace any fool who steps on it.

Golden Noose

This, rather bizarre, magical ring points its noose toward the closest place that contains gold weightier than what you currently wear.

Lemon Bludgeon

A solid stick carved from the fallen branch of a lemon tree. not a powerful weapon but it infuses the attacked with a fragrant citrus smell that can follow them.

Magical V.I.P. Card

This magical piece of paper will allow you to bypass security by fooling the guards that you are an esteemed guess. It works only once.

Marbles

Hypnotizing swirls of agate and unblinking eyes of glass make up this collection of marbles. by challenging anyone to a game of marbles and emptying the entirety of the bag in front of them, they'll be forced to play a round with you. Whoever loses dies, and whoever wins gets to keep the marbles.