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Note: This section depicted in the above video
We return to our gender-neutral hero in the graveyard. Before them, stood the impertinent sorceress who remained steadfast on the matter of the clause-ridden fine print. The ‘Free Magic Lessons’ tab could not be redeemed without meeting Lady Kackel’s endless terms.
“This is bare-faced, blatant false advertising!” Tim opined.
“Take it up with the Council, I’m sure they’ve got nothing else to worry about at this current juncture," with this the ground once again rumbled as if punctuating Lady Kackel’s sarcastic comment.
Eric peeked from behind Matilda’s legs, “I really don’t think we have time for this, can’t you just teach the fishy knight some magic?”
Matilda nodded in agreement, “then we could all go home in time for supper and forget all about this nonsense!”
The large fork (upon which the Council Chambers was perched) clanged against Great Spaghetti Bowl in time to the Jabberwonky’s advancing steps, leaving noticeable chips in its rim.
“It’s too late for that now,” said Tim.
Chapter 4: An Unlikely Pairing
If you want to know more about something mentioned in the story (e.g. a creature, place or person) go to the Lore of the Land:
If you want information about our hero’s characteristics and inventory at the start of this chapter go here and scroll to the relevant chapter:
“I knew I should have stayed in bed today!” lamented Eric, the short-statured butcher as he gripped Matilda’s ankles.
“So - Brave Knight - now would be the time for a death-defying, against-all-odds, definitely-won’t-get-us-killed plan,” probed Lady Kackel.
“I might conjure something,” Tim ribbed, “that is, once I receive my free magic lesson…”
“While the Jabberwonky seems to have been advancing on us for a while now, there is nothing I could teach you between now and the dreaded one’s arrival.” Lady Kackel shot back, “you need the supervision of a dedicated Master.”
“Really? Who is yours? We’ve been living here our whole lives and you’re the only kook we’ve ever seen.” Matilda questioned, pointing her pitchfork at Lady Kackel.
“Umm, well - that’s not really important.” Lady Kackel’s eyes darted evasively, “what’s important is that Tim could not learn anything of value in this short time.”
“So let’s get cracking then!” Tim said, “call out a few of those incantations and I’ll try them out”.
“It’s not that simple.” Lady Kackel was growing frustrated, “as I said, the arcane conjuring of dark forces takes extensive training under an expert mentor.”
“Oh yeah? And what great master taught you that laughing dead routine?” Tim laughed, Matilda joined them.
Eric remained panicked. “S-s-surely, no more dead bodies,” he muttered.
Lady Kackel looked downcast, “that’s just what happens.”
“You mean, you can’t even raise a single spook whose sides aren’t splitting?” Matilda asked, disappointed, lowering her fork.
“They discontinued the final lesson of the program right before I finished it,” Lady Kackel shrugged.
Tim howled with laughter. “You were one of the suckers fleeced by Sir Seroar’s Ten Steps to Magic Mastery?”
Kackel groaned and handed over a scroll, its brassy handles patinated with age.
“Not fleeced, settled. Like these two said, there’s no other kooks around to learn from.” She said before adding “like it or not I’m the best you’ve got.”
“Well then, it’ll have to do. But you’re still teaching me you know, I’m not letting you get off that easy!” Tim said.
“Psst, Tim. You know I’d follow you to the ends of the world and back but I’m not really comfortable being around her.” Eric said in an unusually loud whisper.
“Well that’s fortunate for you then,” responded Tim.
“What? Why’s that!”
“We’re splitting up, you and Matilda are gathering together the remaining Spaghettians to organise a surprise for the Jabberwonky. Kackel and I are delving deep into the marinara."
“Alright, Tim.” said Matilda “but don’t turn your back to her, you might end up a puddle of molten steel.” With this she gave a glare towards Lady Kackel who sneered back.
Matilda grabbed Eric by the arm as she ran off to corral the villagers.
Voting Closed
Tim’s armor creaked as they kept pace with Lady Kackel, out through the wrought iron gates of the cemetery and back into the streets of the village.
“Nothing has changed,” she chided, barely breaking a sweat, “I’ve read the scrolls. The people of this town didn’t know how to prepare for this day back then and they’re certainly not prepared now.”
They passed a large wooden hall. The tower’s clock-face a giant piece of rotelle.
“They’d argue incessantly, scared out of their wits, not knowing what to do-”
She was interrupted by an “ARF ARF!” coming from within the hall.
Tim turned in time to see a human man on all fours bearing his teeth. “ARF! GRRRR!” he barked and growled.
“Get back!” yelled a bipedal dog who held the other end of the four-legged pet human’s leash.
“Spekinzy laminzy!” Lady Kackel flicked a blue orb in their direction and they returned to their normal states.
“Another magic mishap of yours?” Tim asked, and Lady Kackel rolled her eyes.
“Where was I?” Lady Kackel asked sharply, “That’s right… So eventually Michelangelo Meatball-”
“That’s Meatball’s great-great-great-great-great ancestor?” Tim enquired.
“Correct. Well, he was hellbent on the idea of industriousness leading to preparedness for the dreaded one’s arrival.”
“So he’s the reason the villagers are caught in a never-ending tortellini torture cycle?”
“Yes, and only one Councillor took a stance against his reforms; Lillian Linguini. It is said she had it on good authority this practice would end in disaster”.
“What happened?”
“Well, no one knows, do they? She disappeared shortly after.”
“Truly a Fairy’s tale.”
“Literally,” agreed Lady Kackel, “her key advisor was an actual fairy.”
Tim stopped dead, arms akimbo. “We’re here.”
They had descended down, and out of the bowl, traversing the narrow path that wound tight to the convex of the dish and to a great cave opening.
“I want to see what is beneath the spaghetti, something is hidden there… I don’t know why but I can feel it. Does this path lead into the bowl?”
“Yes, but no one’s been down there in generations, now that we use giant cantilevered scoops to empty the bowls when it is time to update the menu.”
“Well we’re going in. You’d better teach me some magic!”
Interactive Break
Tim’s insistence on learning magic is sure to result in some interesting outcomes but so little is known about the magical aspects of the Misadventure Adventure world. Perhaps it’d be a good time to suggest a spell in the comment section of this linked post.
In the dark of the cave, Tim and Lady Kackel were blind. The air was stagnant. Their footsteps echoed. A gentle clicking in the distance grew louder and denser, until it became a rythmic static.
Kackel lit her palm with a flame of blue.
“Huntscrabbies,” Kackel explained “quite gentle, little creatures when you get down to it. Just don’t laugh at them, they’re known for nipping at cheeks.”
“Noted.” replied Tim, as they watched hundreds of tiny pincered creatures swarm toward them, drawn in by the light of Kackel’s flame.
One particularly bold huntsgrabby climbed Tim’s armor, taking up residence on their shoulder. Tim looked at the huntscrabby for a moment and, upon recognising it had made itself quite comfortable, allowed it to stay.
“They’re attracted to the smell of pasta, in fact they love spaghetti, they’re always lingering around the linguini. They especially love a seafood marinara so makes sense he likes you.” Kackel laughed.
Interactive Break
Looks like Tim has made another friend, an instantly attached Huntscrabby. But what should we call the little rascal? Comment on this post with your suggestions.
Voting Closed
The walls of the cave oozed garlicky tomato sauce. It was clear they were under the pasta now. They delved deeper, their path lit by Kackel’s flame.
“Though I haven’t taken to being badgered,” Kackel announced abruptly, “I can’t see why I can’t be the seasoned master and impart a little magical knowledge on you.”
“Really? I’m ready to make some corpses hysterical! Will I need a wand or staff? A staff would be badass.”
“Your armour is clearly enchanted - you know, seeing as you’re possessing it and everything - which leads me to believe you could harness magical power quite naturally,” she grinned, “think of yourself as if you were a giant lightning rod, a conductor for magic.”
Tim raised their arms to strike strong-man poses, clanging about their armour in the process. Sparks flew from their elbows.
“That’s it!” Kackel encouraged, “this spell is called Wingardium Gelatinousa.”
“WINGARDIUM GELATINOU-SAR!” Tim yelled. Nothing happened.
“You don’t just yell the incantation. You have to will the spell out from your fingers, she instructed, “kind of like this.”
Lady Kackel placed her flame down on a nearby rock, cleared her throat and wiggled her fingers. “WINGARDIUM GELATINOUS-AH!”
The blue flame was now fully encased in a perfect cube of wobbly jelly.
“See it’s easy. Just remember, it’s gelatinous-ah not gelatinous-ar. Now, you try!”
"WINGARDIUM GELATINOUSA!” They cried. As the incantation echoed from their helmet, the huntscrabby squeaked in fear and hid itself within the knight’s hollow breastplate. Small zaps of energy shot from Tim’s fingers.
Lady Kackel was now fully consumed by a lurid green jelly. It looked good enough to eat.
“Well done!” The necromancer cried, bursting through the cube of jelly, applauding, “you can see how this would-”
Her words were interrupted by the rumble of a quake, stronger and closer than the steps of the Jabberwonky. A barrage of rocks rained upon them. A particularly large one twice the size of Kackel’s head fell towards her.
“WINGARDIUM GELATINOUSA!”
The knight’s reaction time was incredible, the blob of jelly encased the boulder. It gently bounced off of Kackel’s head and rolled to the floor.
Kackel looked at the knight in shock and disbelief that they could so quickly master a spell. Surely Tim Cognito was no average knight.
“You saved my life.” her eyes two heart emojis.
The rocks ceased falling. Through the clearing dust, A new pathway had been revealed. The huntscrabby peeked out and squinted into the dusty surroundings.
“Come over,” Tim called “Look at this!”
Kackel who was still staring at the knight snapped back to reality. She leapt up and followed Tim into the dark pathway.
Before Tim was a bottle on the ground, illuminating light. Inside sat a fairy with her arms crossed. Seemingly unaware of her new company, the disgruntled fairy was turned toward a mound in the earth before a mossed-over headstone.
Kackel gasped. Tim’s armour creaked as they nodded.
“Lady Kackel, I think we’re going to have to raise one more body,” they said as they scrubbed at the moss to reveal the name Lillian Linguini.
What secrets could be known by the long dead Lillian Linguini? Can Lady Kackel possibly get any response from her? Will the huntscrabby be of any use at all? All these questions and more will be addressed in the next edition of *blows bugle* MISADVENTURE ADVENTURE.
A special thank you this week to Ladybird Gaga for pitching the Huntscrabby species.
And to Hopefull_Reader for the exciting new item (and character) Bottle of Fae.
Remember you too can be like Ladybird and Reader and can pitch new areas, creatures, characters and items/spells in the existing threads and see them get added to the Lore of the Land encyclopaedia.
Voting closes on the 29th of April, 2022. Check back in on that same day for a another Lore of the Land session.
Well, this one is a little bit late. I’m going to update this news section later.
I will point out that we are moving Lore of the Land sessions to Fridays. So now Misadventure Adventure will be in your inbox every Friday! Yay!
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