Chapter 5.

Revolutions and Revelations

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Note: This section depicted in the above video

We rejoin Matilda and Eric on their journey from simple villagers of the Great Spaghetti Bowl to becoming brave counter-revolutionaries, standing before an amassing crowd of Spaghettians.

“Will we allow our home to be crushed?” Matilda yelled through cupped hands.

“NO!” came the thunderous reply.

“Will we spend another day under the tyranny of this creature?” Matilda yelled.

“NO!”

“Can we go and hide until this is all over?” Eric squeaked, eyes darting back and forth.

“Huh?” the crowd replied.

Matilda slapped the back of Eric’s head and he straightened up, “I mean… are we ready to execute the plan?”

“YES!”

“THEN LET’S MOVE!” Matilda bellowed.

There were cheers and then gasps. From between some of the front row Spaghettians, Meatball, the shady politician with something to hide, emerged. In his hand was an ancient scroll.

“Umm, are we sure about this plan?” he asked nervously. “Surely further risk management is required? Have we considered further reforms? Perhaps establish a subcommittee to assess the hazards associated with-”

Meatball ceased speaking mid-sentence. There was a tremendous shaking of the Spaghetti Bowl as the mountains were smashed apart, and the dreaded Jabberwonky came into view.

The Jabberwonky leaned in breathing loudly from his mouth. Peering down at the Spaghettians through his monocle, he sneered in a way no one in a comically small trilby hat ought to.

“Reforms? Looks like I’m right on cue. How delightful, I have a few reforms of my own to suggest,” he exclaimed exuberantly with an arabesque-esque stance.

“We’re doomed!” Eric yelped.

***

Concurrently, deep beneath the puttanesca, the brave knight Tim Cognito looked on at their discovery with wonder. Atop their shoulder, the scorpioid carapace of a friendly huntscrabby gazed in great interest too.

Tim and their companion (and magical instructor) the sardonic Lady Kackel had stumbled upon a secret beneath the pasta: the ancient grave of Lillian Linguini.

“This is where she was, all this time. The one Spaghettian that opposed the generations of pasta production. She’s here. But why?”

Kackel’s pondering was interrupted by a great quake, the force of which they were certain announced the arrival of the Jabberwonky above.

“It’s here! Quick, abracadabra that cadaver!”

Kackel’s eyes rolled back into her head, revealing only the whites. The hovering blue flame pulsed as she again started the incantation.

Procco! Skellanos! Toppo!”

The ground shook furiously awakening the bottled fairy, who began fluttering her wings and gesturing Tim towards the corked opening.

Hilaffop! Komeda! Sitto! Placonos!”

Tim popped the cork.

“Thank you,” the fairy’s voice saccharine sweet, “and not a moment too soon!”

Her tiny wings shimmered as she flew like a moth to the flame of Kackel’s blue orb. The two yelled the final word of the incantation together.

ARISOR!

The familiar silvery tongues of the spell shot out from the flame and powerfully plunged into the ground.

All was quiet. Tim looked at Kackel. Kackel’s eyes rolled back into place, and looked at the fairy. The fairy looked at Tim. Simultaneously, they all looked at the grave together to see a skeletal fist punch through the earth.


Chapter 5: Revolutions and Revelations

If you want to know more about something mentioned in the story (e.g. a creature, place or person) go to the Lore of the Land:

LORE OF THE LAND

If you want information about our hero’s characteristics and inventory at the start of this chapter go here and scroll to the relevant chapter:

STATISTICS AND INVENTORY


Emerging from the damp earth was Lillian Linguini. She was a short skeleton with only a smattering of necrotic matter dangling from her bones. She looked on with her gaping eye sockets at her living companions.

“You’re not laughing?” stammered Kackel.

Lillian Linguini tilted her head in confusion, “why would I be laughing?”

Kackel kicked the dirt, and looked down, “oh, no reason.”

The fairy giggled sweetly, and said in a sing-song, “That is because of me, sister. You’re welcome. But in all honesty, I don’t think you’ve got any business wielding such weighty witchery.”

“Misery!” the disheveled bones of Linguini interrupted, “I assume there isn’t much time.”

“Okay, ma’am” The fairy, named Misery, sang.

“You’re right, you know? That wonky giant is out there right now, ready to feast,” Tim interjected.

“Going by what I can smell, I don’t think the dreaded one will be able to palate the cuisine on offer,” Linguini said, drawing in air through the hole in her skull where her nose should be.

“Yes, I get it. I’m a bit fishy,” Tim folded their arms.

“You’ve tainted the whole bowl,” Linguini threw up her arms. “I told that good for nothing fool-”

“Which fool?” smirked Kackel, “they’re not in short supply around here.”

“Meatball, Meatball, Meatball!” sang Misery.

Linguini interrupted her song by spitting - from what saliva glands no one will ever know. “Meatball that waste of space. A terrible charlatan. Do you know why I’m here? Dead beneath the earth?”

“Because she caught him, discovered his secret,” sang Misery.

Linguini waved Misery out of the way, “I caught him summoning the Jabberwonky from that scroll he always carried around.”

Kackel gasped. The jaw of Tim’s helmet squeaked to gape.

“…but why?” Tim queried.

“To take over the village,” Kackel whispered.

“…and to have a never-ending supply of pasta for himself and his ancestors!” Linguini concluded.

“The monster!” Tim shook his head.

“Does this mean the current day Meatball, Meatball Jnr Jnr Jnr Jnr Jnr twice removed, is in control of the Jabberwonky?”.

“Most certainly!” The skeletal form let out.

“It doesn’t make sense, how does he keep the Wonky One from eating him whole?” Tim wondered aloud.

“He’s got the Dagger Eyes,” sang Misery, “he came with lies, for the Dagger Eyes.”

Linguini nodded, “he went to Fae Forest, took the magical enchanted binoculars without any intention of returning them. It’s how I ended up with Misery. She came to fetch them back and he stuffed her in a bottle.”

“The Dagger Eyes, the magical eye-glasses that bring great feelings of shame and guilt to whoever the wearer is looking at?” Kackel asked.

Tim pulled out the binoculars that they had earlier stolen from Meatball.

“Dagger Eyes! Dagger Eyes!” falsettoed Misery.

“We still have a chance!” Kackel added.

“Quick, we all need to hurry!” Tim shouted pointing into the air with vigour. They all turned to head out of the cave, but the huntscrabby squeaked and hopped off of the knight’s shoulder. Tim, Kackel and Misery all turned to see what the insectoid familiar was looking at.

Linguini, sitting upon her grave, looked as tired as a skeleton could.

"Go on,” she said gesturing “I’ll be of no help. I’m tired, so tired.”

She lay down, bones toppling apart as they turned to ash and disappeared back into the earth. Tim’s huntscrabby wiped a tear from its eye.

A moment of silence passed before the party turned and headed out of the cave, taking Misery’s bottle prison with them.


“Yes,” the Jabberwonky peered through their giant monocle. “I do believe we’ll start by enacting an Anarchism Legislation, from this point on there will be no leader of this community and no longer any centralised government.”

The Spaghettian crowd murmered. The man in the dog collar muttered, “perhaps it won’t be too bad after all.”

“Well, except for me of course.”

The crowd booed.

“But that’s contradictory, there can’t both be no leader and-” the collared man shouted. The giant slammed down his monocle, and with a visceral splat the Spaghettian protesting was no more.

“Whoops,” the evil creature drolly nattered, “I suppose I forgot to mention that I’ve enacted anti-protest proclamations. Any protests will be met swiftly with the death penalty, it’s only fair and democratic.”

“NOW?” Eric called out.

A Team follow me!” Matilda cried.

“B Team this way!” Eric yelled fighting the urge to run directly out of town.

Matilda’s team ran at full speed towards the dragging tail of the Jabberwonky, diving and weaving to avoid his long wonky claws as he swatted at the villagers.

Councillor Mushroom was knocked back fifty feet in a vicious swipe of the Jabberwonky’s tail. Gertrude, the barmaid from The Hungry Herb Goblin met her demise under the hind leg of the Jabberwonky. Matilda’s team did not stop for anything though, they continued running , eyes ever-forward. Feet ever-determined.

Eric’s team had run in the opposite direction, assembling before the giant, cantilevered scoops. Several climbed into the cockpits and began manuevering the scoops to dig into the craggy earth. Others cleared the rocks and boulders, and the remaining Spaghettians took up shovels and spades.

Matilda’s team climbed up the long scaly tail of the Jabberwonky.

“Your protesting is creating a turbulent political climate!” the Jabberwonky screeched, as he violently shook his tail.

The Spaghettians held firm to the scales as they struggled against the great force of the movement.

“I don’t want to stoke any further division!” the Jabberwonky continued, as a particularly violent flick shook some Spaghettians off his tail and to their certain demise.

“My supporters all know that I don’t flip-flop on any issues!” the Wonky One yelled as he set his sights upon Eric’s team. “I think it’s time for a little bi-partisanship!”

“Oh no! He’s coming here!” Eric said.

“That’s what we want, isn’t it?” a burly-armed Spaghettian questioned his team’s leader.

“Ah yes, quite right,” Eric said, though his impulse was to run. His feet held firm as Matilda came into sight, the sole member of Team A to scale the Jabberwonky. “Woah, what a woman!” he breathed.


Tim, Kackel, Misery and the huntscrabby emerged from the cave, their eyes adjusting to the light. They could not see the battle that was raging but they could definitely hear it.

Misery’s wings fluttered in the sun, sprinkling forth a golden lustrous dust. The magic dust lifted the group up and gently flew them to a better vantage point.

“They did it!” Misery sang, “they actually did it!”

The Great Spagetti Bowl was filled with a great helping of delicious tagliatelle.

“It’d be a really incredible sight if we weren’t looking at the certain destruction of the people who made it!” Tim cried, pointing to the opposite side of the bowl, where they could see the tiny trilby hat that sat atop the Jabberwonky’s head.

“The battle has already begun!” Kackel’s hair involuntarily flamed blue.

“We’ll never reach it in time,” frowned Tim, noting the vast circumference of the bowl.

The huntscrabby squeaked in agreement closing its eyes and shaking its tiny head.

“I’ve got more magic,” sang Misery, “if you’re up to it!”

“Of course, we’re up to it, you glorified dragonfly. You’re lucky a burdened terq doesn’t rip off your wings!” said Kackel, deeply offended.

“Yeah, you’d still be in that bottle if it weren’t for us,” Tim added.

“Are you sure,” she sang, “you’ve gotta be sure, sure, sure.”

“Yeah, quit your vexing and start your hexing!” Tim cried.

From the tips of Misery’s fingers, waves of gold crashed into Tim’s helmet.

“W-What’s happening?”


Votes

Well here we are, right in the thick of battle and if we’re going to resolve this we’re going to need a lot of help from you! The voting public. This week we’ve put all the interactives at the end of the chapter as we’re going to break down what each character will be doing next chapter once they’ve all caught up to the battleground.

Matilda

Voting Closed

Eric

Voting Closed

Lady Kackel and Misery

Voting Closed

Tim and Huntscrabby

Voting Closed


This is the most epic battle in the entire history of the Great Spaghetti Bowl and IT IS ONLY JUST GETTING STARTED. Remember that you can always come join us for the next chapter here at the same Misadventure Time, on the same Misadventure Channel.

A special thank you this week to Prince Smith (one of the best princes) for pitching the Dagger Eyes, though Tim has been holding them for a few weeks now we’ve only just found out what they are.

Remember you too can be like Prince Smith and pitch new areas, creatures, characters, and items/spells in the existing threads and see them get added to the Lore of the Land encyclopedia.

Voting closes on the 15th of May, 2022. We’ve decided to only add in Lore of the Land sessions when there is something pressing to get to. So you won’t be hearing from us again for two whole weeks!


No votes to mention here but if you’ve thought of a special attack Tim might be compelled to use in the ensuing battle hop back into last week's Lore of the Land comment section and tell us about it you can find it HERE.

Also, sorry for the lateness this week. This is quite an epic chapter and the animation is more than double the length to usual (I didn’t get a chance to write a music score though… shame).

In other news have a look at Michael’s latest post on the Places I’ve Never Lived Newsletter. An illustrated, flash-fiction series here on Substack.


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