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From beneath piles of books, toppled shelves and streams of un-catalogued catalogue cards, Matilda surfaces with a gasp. She is atop the scaly back of the tyrannical Jabberwonky, unconscious from receiving a donk on the head from a giant metal scoop.
“Oh!” Matilda exclaims as she begins to frantically search under the books for the Librarian, “I need her, is she alright?”
In her haste, Matilda had turned to face where the desk had been and still was without taking in the fact that somehow, as if by magic, in the great fall the Librarian’s desk had remained unmoved.
Matilda called into the darkness under a large, no longer upright shelf, “Librarian are you in there? Are you okay?”
“SSSssshhhhhh,” came the reply of the Librarian from behind Matilda, her voice rasping softly, “ThissSSss isssSSss aaa librrarry!”
Matilda whipped around and was surprised to see the Librarian completely unfussed, despite the fuss all around her.
“Librarian, you’re ok despite the fall?” Matilda’s mouth was agape.
“FalllllLL, whatTTtt fallLLl?” the Librarian responded, and without pause added, “annddD whattTt isssSss this Librarian busineSSss? I mayy beeEEe aaA librarianNn buttTt thattTT’s nottTTt myyyY nammmeeeEEe.”
“Well then, what is-” the Librarian cut Matilda off.
“Drew E. Decimelle, keeperrr of thee mobbillLLee libraryyYy attTt youRRrr seerviccCe!” she said with a gleeful creak, that gave way to a succession of coughs.
“Mobile library, but you’re on the back of a monster?”
“I ammmMMm? OoOh yoooOOu meaannNn Jabby? HeEee’ss nottt so baaAAdd jussttt missssSguiiidedDd!”
“Misguided? Misguided?” Matilda shook furiously “At this very moment the only thing stopping the beast from tearing through my town, killing innocent people is the fact he’s asleep! Misguided? How pathetic!”
“Hee’ssSs jusstt misssinffFFffooOrrrmeddd, Dear. Yoouu seeeEe, heeEe getsss conffusseddd, waaannt’s toOo showwWw offfFff to the ottthhherr creaturrress sooo he borrowwWws bookSss, doessn’t matter whattt oneesss anddd startsss to readd themm in publiccc placcessSSs.”
“To be seen?”
“Rigghtt, butTttTt he doesn’ttt undersSsstand themmMm and whennnN heEee retturrns themmmMM they usuallyyYy stiLll have a bookKmarrrk insiidddDe,” Drew E. Decimelle glanced both ways quickly before she leant in to say as if confessing a great secret, “heEee rarellyyy gettsss passstt the tablllee of contennntttssSs.”
“But why is he attacking our town?”
“I don’tt knowWWw buttTt I wouldDd sayyy it’s onnnllyyYy the waYyyY he’sssSss doinnggg ittt thatttTt heEee cann contrrolll, someoneee elssee musttt havveee got himmmMM tooo doo iTtt.”
“So he gets confused easily?”
“OOoooH yeeSss, I haavvee a pilleee of booKks heree forr salllee becausse Jabby ripped parttsss of themmM outttTt in ffrruuusTraaation,” as if like magic in the darkness behind the librarian a spotlight illuminated a pile of slightly damaged books. “Onnllyy a silllver coinnn donaattion!”
Matilda couldn’t believe her luck, she had only one silver coin on her person. She slammed it down on the counter.
“I’ll take whichever one confuzzled him the most!” She said.
“ThatttTt woulddd moOOsst certaiinnllyyY beeEe thisssSss onNNne!” Drew E. Decimelle said, and without her moving in any way the book at the top of the pile floated gently over to the counter before landing with a thump.
Matilda picked up the book and read from the cover aloud, “Beat, Slay, Trudge: One Barbarian’s Search for Vengeance Across the Hidden Realms?”
When she looked back up the Librarian, Drew E. Decimelle was gone again into the darkness “…THANK YOU!” Matilda called out.
“Nnnooo probbbleemmm, Dear,” Drew’s voice echoed as if from a dream “And dddOonnn’tttt ffoooOrggetttt toOOoo taaaakke a caaarrrd, ifffFff you nnneeed toooO borrrrooowww a booOkkK it’llLl commmMe innN hannnNddyyyY!”
There was a pop, and a small tuft of smoke arose from the desk before her. A white library card had appeared. There wasn’t much time to celebrate as Matilda could feel the rumbling of the Jabberwonky beneath her feet. A sure-fire bet that the Wonky One would soon awaken.
Chapter 7: Chewing the Fat, Skewing the Facts
If you want to know more about something mentioned in the story (e.g. a creature, place or person) go to the Lore of the Land:
If you want information about our hero’s characteristics and inventory at the start of this chapter go here and scroll to the relevant chapter:
This book could be useful, Matilda thought. While she was confused by the choice, she knew not to question Drew. After all, she did call the monster by a nickname: Jabby.
If she could scale the Jabberwonky’s long neck and speak directly into the beast’s ear she could, almost literally, get into his head.
She affixed Beat, Slay Trudge to her belt, and began her ascent up the beast’s neck just in time for the creature’s stirs as he awoke. This wasn’t going to be easy but she knew it to be her only shot.
Voting CLOSED
***
Eric, who had watched the great beast fall into the hole, had not once ceased to stare down into the trap. In truth, the hole was not deep enough to contain the beast but his team had a plan to slow the Jabberwonky down.
“Tie it up!” Eric cried. His team threw thick, netted ropes across the chasm trapping the beast inside. The Spaghettians opposite retrieved the ropes and looped them around the cantilevers of their pasta scoops. Repeating the process until there was no rope left to tie.
“Will it hold him?” one squeaky-voiced Spaghettian asked Eric.
“Maybe not,” the mini meat-merchant answered, “but it will have to do until Tim gets back.”
Eric gulped. He knew Matilda was still in the hole, trapped with the beast. All he could do now was sweat profusely and hope her sinewy frame could fit through the gaps in the rope net.
***
Misery and Lady Kackel continued their way down the mountain.
“Quickly now,” called out Misery, fluttering gold dust in her haste.
“I’m going as fast as I can!” Kackel replied.
“Weighed down by your thoughts?” Misery giggled.
“No,” sniffed Kackel.
Misery wafted her sparkles over Kackel and sang, “truthus maluthus!”
“I just hope Tim is safe. I don’t want anything to happen to that fishy knight,” the words rushed from Kackel’s mouth before she could cover it with both hands. As the gold dust dissipated, she cleared her throat and added, “I mean, I’m sure that knight can look after themselves.”
Kackel chuckled nervously.
“Sounds like a crush to me!” Misery apparated a tiny, gold hoola hoop and began to toss it about.
“Not a crush so much as a gentle squeezing…” Kackel answered disingenuously.
“Oh really?” Misery questioned, the gold hoop looping around and around her outstretched arm.
“Fine. You got me,” Kackel replied, her hair flaming blue. “Have you seen that pristine armour? That hollow face? The nebulous lack of backstory?” Kackel sighed, casting her mind back to when Tim saved her from certain death back in the cave.
“They’re the whole package alright!” Misery agreed, hoola-ing with her left ankle.
“They’re even good with animals.” Lady Kackel said gazing off into the distance, recalling the way Tim had so warmly taken the Huntscrabby into their heart. “How about it Misery, do you think a knight like them and a necromancer like me could make it out there?”
“Whether you can or not will have to wait,” Misery sang. Her hoola hoop disintegrated, along with her smile, “there’s our target.”
Misery pointed down behind a large rock on the outskirts of the village. Behind it, Councilor Meatball ducked, teeth chattering. He popped his head up, made sure the coast was clear before making haste for a nearby villager’s house, ancient scroll in hand.
“Quick we’ve got to stop him!” Kackel cried, “let’s barrel roll that rissole!”
***
The Jabberwonky was well and truly awake. His eyes open and angry as he tried to push through the net that had entrapped him.
“I’m literally ropable,” the beast furiously cried, “for all my legislative manoeuvring, sadly I think it’s time to cut political ties with you all.”
The Jabberwonky strained as he tried to stand, stretching his great limbs and extending his scaly neck. The tension ripped through the netted rope bit by bit.
“I suppose now I’ll govern with an absolute majority,” the huge beast cried completely unopposed, as he stretched out to full height.
All was lost, the Spaghettians were downcast, morose with their defeat. The Jabberwonky was sure to take over now.
“That’s what you think!” came a voice from above. Tim Cognito, helmet and chest crisscrossed with strands of spaghetti and dripping with sauce stood tall and proud from the rim of the bowl. Somewhere a Spaghettian played a four-note phrase on a bugle (poorly).
“Do you ever shut up? They should call you the Blabber-wonky!” Tim quipped.
The hulking beast craned its neck upwards, his face in line with the knight.
“Oh, how amusing. Finally, an opposition that might actually pose a threat!” The Jabberwonky dusted off his tiny trilby hat and replaced it atop his dome. “And here I thought I’d be running a one-party government. Who might you be, oh terrifying leader of the resistance?”
“I’m Tim Cognito, famous knight and keeper of a perfectly pleasant scent.”
“Well, you see there’s a problem here… you see I’m completely famished and you’re starting to look a bit more like a Tim Burrito… perhaps some Tim Soffrito,” the Wonky One laughed at their terrible wordplay jovially before adopting a much more menacing tone “or, much more appropriately, Tim Mincemeat-o!”
The Jabberwonky’s neck arched towards Tim, stretching to its full length. His jaws taking large, menacing bites toward the Knight.
“Not on your life. I’ve just spent two hours eating from this bowl, I’m not about to be served up for dessert.” Tim cried out to the beast, confidently.
“So you’re the little anchovy that ruined the whole dish?” growled the Jabberwonky, as he continued to snap at Tim.
A particularly ferocious bite caused his monocle to dislodge from his eye socket. It flung off the face of the beast and onto the rim of the bowl next to Tim. It spun like a giant coin, still connected to a long chain that stretched all the way back to the giant’s waistcoat.
Tim unsheathed their harpoon. They advanced to the monocle, and with perfect timing plunged down their harpoon through the monocle, lodging the spear into the stone bowl. Unexpectedly, no glass shattered. The eyewear contained no glass at all.
“You’re a fraud! A total poser!” Tim laughed as he leapt into the air towards the Wonky One’s head.
“H-h-how did t-that happen? They must have b-broke when I dropped them.” The Jabberwonky flustered, distracted enough not to move as Tim flew through the air at him.
The Jabberwonky screeched with pain as Tim grabbed onto the great beast’s moustache and hung, dangling high above the Spaghettians below.
“Pathetic little knight, I’ll take great joy in devouring you!” the Jabberwonky yelled, beginning to chomp at Tim once more.
“Eurghhhh” The Beast retched, his whole body writhing uncontrollably as he pulled hard away from the Spaghetti bowl trying to escape Tim’s oceanic musk. He was jolted back with great violence by the chain attached to his waistcoat, fastened tightly to the rocky bowl above. Tim swung with each pull to the left and right.
“What is this?” the Jabberwonky screamed, “a vote of no confidence?”
Tim met the eyes of the tiny Huntscrabby who had peeked out from their hiding place within Tim’s shoulder plate. The cave crustacean pointed down with a pincer, alerting Tim to the Spaghettians below who had stretched out the rope net to cushion their fall. Tim and the Huntscrabby nodded at each other.
Tim released the Jabberwonky’s nostril hair, and fell down, down down into the net below. Tim’s solid metal armour was heavier than anticipated. Despite not housing a body, the hollow suit of metal fell straight through the net and landed with a clang.
“What? How dare you?” The Jabberwonky screamed. His final tug of frustration dislodging the harpoon, sending it flying to the other side of the village.
The Jabberwonky stood tall, foaming with rage. Tim dusted themselves off. They squared up, each ready to pounce.
Eric breathed a sigh of relief, though he continued to sweat buckets. He had spotted Matilda closing in on the Jabberwonky’s ear, pitch-fork glinting in her hand.
Voting CLOSED
***
Misery and Kackel close in on Meatball. Ducked beneath the window of the villager’s hut they peeked through the lace curtains and saw Meatball worked up in a fluster.
“What will I do? What can I do? Without those Dagger Eyes I’ll never get close enough!” Meatball continued to pace, “this is all that blasted knight’s fault, before they got here everything was perfect.”
At the mere mention of Tim, Kackel let out a heart-warmed sigh.
“Shhh” Misery shushed, but it wasn’t quick enough.
“WHAT?! W-Who’s out there?” Meatball cried, trying hard to mask his fear. “Make yourself known!”
“There’s no way around it now,” Misery said, “we’re going to have to confront him head-on.”
“Okay, I gave us away so I’ll be the one to grab the scroll,” Kackel said nervously bouncing on her feet and cracking her fingers in preparation.
“C-come i-in and f-face m-m-me, IF YOU DARE!” Meatball called from inside.
“Wait!” Misery instructed, “why not even the playing field a little?"
Kackel grinned and darted up to the window, the resulting gust of wind parting the curtains. Misery joined her, and together they cast the most powerful confusion hex they knew, the incantation coming from their mouths conjoining to make a single shriek.
“Hoodwink, Trouble and Befuddle your squishy pink thinker all in a muddle.”
Voting CLOSED
Misadventure Adventure? More like Totally Adventurous Adventure, amirite? Is there anything this Knight cannot handle? Kackel and Cognito, history’s greatest love story? Is Meatball more frightened then Eric? Only time can tell in the next chapter of… MISADVENTURE ADVENTURE.
Remember you can pitch new areas, creatures, characters, and items/spells in the existing threads and see them get added to the Lore of the Land encyclopedia.
Voting closes on the 18th of June, 2022. The next chapter will follow about a week after that… with luck!
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Thanks for your support and readership everyone and as we move forward we’d strongly appreciate further shares, likes and comments! You know, the stuff everyone says.
A couple of other notes: things are becoming quite sporadic at the moment we’re still endeavouring to release every two weeks but there maybe some rockiness in our schedule over the next two months. The priority is the writing so you may see (as with this week) fewer illustrations on the page.
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Chapter 7